Positives, Grace, and Advice

I would hate to focus on the negative happenings since my last post, such as chronic temper control problems, horrendous housekeeping, scanty suppers, fend-for-yourself breakfasts and lunches, lousy Latin, and tears because I can't do it all.

It's healthier to focus on the positive, such as:

•  62 days of school completed (it seems silly to count days of homeschool where we learn every day, but we do our best to abide by the law).
• One kid who knows the better part of 12 weeks of CC memory work (Latin is lousy) and another who is close behind.
• Ever-so-slowly improving attitudes.
• An increasing number of friendships here in Oklahoma.
• Two days in a row of reading from our Story of the World book.
• The ability to sit at this computer at 2:58 p.m. and stay awake (!!) along with a few other results of teeny, tiny baby steps toward better health.

The biggest positive of all is a little epiphany I had recently. I realized that, like a good Primitive Baptist, I am fully confident in God's grace as it applies to my eternal salvation. I realize my weakness, and I rest in His strength. However, when it comes to raising my children, my actions (frustration, anger, hopelessness, perfectionism, imagining the worst possible outcome for every situation) show that I do not believe God's mercy and grace is sufficient for me in the area of motherhood. I conclude that my kids don't have a chance because of me when I should be thanking the Lord that my kids do have a chance in spite of me. I worry that they will "turn out bad" because of my lack of diligence when I should realize that I have never been chastised to the point that I actually deserved. God has been merciful, so I have to believe that he will continue to be. "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life." Ps. 23:6.

Paul, after asking God to get rid of his thorn in the flesh, wrote that God's reply was, "My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness." II Cor. 12:9. Oh, man, has my weakness been made clear to me in the last year! It has been ugly, but it has been necessary. I believe it has been providential. Never, until now, have I been able to understand why in the world Paul would glory in his infirmities! Only when I acknowledge my infirmity in a humble way can I recognize God's strength that carries me through one more attitude problem, his mercy in, I trust, allowing my children to "turn out okay," and his grace to cover my motherhood sins every day.

Advice to myself: Thank God for his grace. Repent and accept forgiveness. Be thankful for the positives and stop dwelling on the negatives. Realize that God didn't make a mistake when he gave you your particular children (Thanks for that, Mom's Night Out).

Knowledge

The more I learn, the less I know.

Before studying or experiencing a subject (blue), my perception of my knowledge (red) might look like this:

I used to think that after studying and experiencing the subject, the subject:knowledge ratio would change to this:

I have learned that as I gather knowledge about something, the subject seems to get larger, and the amount of knowledge smaller in comparison.

This convinces me that knowledge alone is not enough. Instead of an end in itself, knowledge should be a stepping stone toward understanding and wisdom.

Another Schedule Revision and an Initiative Experiment

Well, the schedule I posted here is already obsolete.  We used it until the routine was semi-established and then reverted back to the old goal chart.  I know some veteran ACE homeschoolers who might remember those...The Husband, for one.

I purposely did not purchase planning software this year (big change for me) in an effort to get away from "doing school" and to get closer to "learning as a way of life."  However, there are some tasks, usually the mundane ones, that we forget to do if they are not spelled out for us in a schedule.  So, after using a handwritten goal chart successfully for a week, I created another Excel spreadsheet to use with Thing1.

It is similar to last year when I printed out a daily task list, but this one is for the whole week.  I saved the template in Excel so that I can change the assignments for the week each Sunday night.  The peaceful feeling I get when I look at those red marks reminds me of why I enjoy planning software.

My dilemma now (because I always have one) is how much initiative to expect from a 7-year-old in completing the goals.  I want to put some responsibility on him because he needs it, but when I see "7-year-old" typed out in black and white, I back up a little.  How much prodding throughout the week is appropriate for his age?  Obviously, the tasks that require my attention (spelling, writing, history, and science) are done on my time.  The independent work is the challenge.  My solution for now is to insist on work before play but not to hound him about lolligagging (difficult for me).  Usually a wordless, appropriate consequence works better than my endless nagging.

Last week, he did not accomplish all of his goals before Saturday and, as a consequence, had to stay inside to complete them on Saturday while The Husband and Thing2 were outside working on projects.  I felt bad for him, and I really wanted to let him off the hook.  But with the hope that a couple of disappointing Saturdays would help the initiative development along, I stuck to my guns.

My conclusion from my last schedule experiment is that it was profitable for a few weeks.  I am hoping this goal chart method will last a bit longer.

As for the initiative experiment, results will take time...11 years, perhaps.  Remind me to post the results then.

Attitude

"Your attitude is the aroma of your heart.  If your attitude stinks, that means your heart's not right."
-from Facing the Giants

The boys and I watched Facing the Giants Saturday just because we needed to hear that line.

A perfect extension to the stinky attitude lesson was the fact that our rent house had a water leak as we were moving out, and when we went back to clean it a few days later, the stench was so horrible that the kids didn't even want to go inside.  Moral:  When your attitude stinks, people don't want to be around you any more than you wanted to be inside that foul-smelling house.

Useful Definitions for Families...and anyone else who has to work with, teach, learn from, or play with others.

From the Childcraft Dictionary, Copyright 1982:

Respect: High regard or consideration.

Regard: (noun) 1. Careful thought, attention, or consideration.  2. Respect or affection.

Consideration: Thoughtfulness for other people and their feelings. 

Honor: (verb) To show great respect for a person or thing.

Swift to hear.

Slow to speak.

Slow to wrath.

Success

With The Husband's permission, I will share a text he sent to me this morning:
No matter how successful I may feel about today's earthly work, if I work in a way that is honoring and glorifying to God my day is successful. Press toward the mark!

Mama's Checklist

Finish the laundry,
Feed the brood,
Model a good attitude.

Pray for wisdom,
Help them obey,
Show affection every day.

If these tasks are all complete,
my occupation is obsolete.

  

Composing My Thoughts

Speaking of thinking...

Remember when you were writing simple essays in school and you had to start with a thesis?  Once you chose your thesis (for without a good thesis, there is no good essay), you used three pieces of supporting evidence to prove that your thesis was solid.  Soon you had a five-paragraph paper:  An introduction, a paragraph for each piece of supporting evidence, and a conclusion.

It seems to me that if I, as an adult, would remember that lesson in composition, if I would organize my thoughts like the essay outline, then my words would be much more credible.
  

Video games are not all bad...Right?

Maybe video games are not all bad...In moderation...If you are diligent in searching for a benefit.

I sat by Thing1 while he played his DS the other day and told him to practice having a good attitude even when he "died" and got the "Game Over" message.

After a few good rounds, he started relapsing then caught himself and exhaled loudly.

He immediately looked up and forced a smile.  "All I did was blow out air."

We'll keep working on this.

Good attitude practice can be found anywhere...even in a video game.

Please Don't Be Angry.

Please don't be angry with your children when they act in public the way you allow them to act at home.

Trade Good for Best.

Satan's most successful tactic is to use good things to distract me from the best things.

Shared with The Better Mom link up.

Mom, the Psychologist

Today is our first day with nothing out of the ordinary planned in a long time.  Thus the first blog post in a long time.

I did a little psychology experiment today.

When the boys woke up, I assumed a stern demeanor and said, "I know you don't want to, but I am going to insist that you play today.  I'll let you do chores and school work first, but after that, you must play.  I will not let you get by without playing today."

I spied the shadow of a smile on Thing1's face before he protested, but Thing2 never missed a beat.  He immediately began complaining about not wanting to play and how he would rather work.

The good news is that chores were done in record time this morning.  Thing2 even picked up his room without Thing1's help.  Thing1's school work did not take long, either. Despite his initial complaints, Thing2 has taken his play seriously today.

The bad news is that the results of this experiment confirmed my hypothesis.  My kids complain solely for the sake of complaining.

 

It's Hard...

to make time to exercise.

to suppress anger.

to do push ups.

to stay calm in a messy house.

to yodel.

to quit whining.

to find the "perfect" time to do an extra project because the basics are never completely done.

to  practice.

to figure out what to do today when I don't know what will happen tomorrow.

to do things that aren't easy.

Future adults

I just read this from There's Just One Mommy, and I almost cried.  I am guilty.  Very guilty.

I am guilty because I expect adult behavior from my kids.  I'll tell ya from experience that that expectation quickly leads to frustration on both our parts because they are kids.

Granted, I am training future adults, and allowing them to indulge in childishness until they are 18 and then suddenly expecting adult behavior would also be wrong.  But we aren't there yet.  Training is the key word. 

I hope my kids will forgive me and let me try again today.

A Grump Like Me - Part II

Remember last week when I shared my favorite Backyardigans Song?  My sister renamed it, "A Frump Like Me" in my honor.  Hopefully the new name is because my new favorite word is 'defrump' and not because she really thinks I'm frumpy.

This song was on the same episode as A Grump Like Me.  I was thankful to be reminded that even when my circumstances are beyond my control, my reaction to my children circumstances is always my choice.  No, not choice.  It is my responsibility.  Even so, sometimes it takes something as dramatic as a singing telegram to remind me to smile.

I promise I won't post any more Backyardigans for a long time.

Shared with Gratituesday and Works for me Wednesday.

A Grump Like Me

I was not proud of myself Saturday.  I'll not go into details, but there were tears...from all three of us.

But...

Then there was prayer and a promise remembered:  "The Lord will give strength unto his people.  The Lord will bless his people with peace." Ps. 29:11

Then there was a hot bubble bath for me behind a locked bathroom door (Secret Wonderland is magic) during a mandatory rest time for them. 

Then there were apologies.

Then there was a good discussion about peacemakers over chocolate chip oatmeal cookies.

Before the boys went to bed that night, they watched The Backyardigans.  We did not choose this episode intentionally, but it could not have been more appropriate.  Whoever wrote this song must know me...

Join us for Gratituesday at Heavenly Homemakers!

Music that Makes Our Day

There's no better way to set a mood than with music.  When I am looking for the character-building, harmony-in-the-family mood, I use our Patch the Pirate playlist. 

I listened to Patch the Pirate some as a kid, but earlier this year, a friend reminded me of it by sharing her favorite album, Harmony at Home, with me.  This particular album is a collection of songs without the stories. 

The boys mostly listen to the stories at nighttime or in the car.  We like most of them, some more than others.  Once Upon a Starry Knight might be their favorite.  The thing I like about the Patch the Pirate albums is that they usually give us a good starting point for some profitable conversations.

For during the day, for while we do chores or school work, I made a playlist of our favorite songs from the albums we own.  In case you are interested, here are 10 of the 34 songs that made it onto the playlist:

Made to Worship ("I was made to worship the Lord.")
Be a Blessing, Not a Pest (very relevant)
Clean it Up (also relevant)
The Frog Song (about obedience)
Do It Now (also about obedience...can you tell where we need help?)
Whiners ("The tone of your voice makes a difference.")
Lazy Bones (Thing1's favorite)
Any Ol' Thing/Only My Best (Thing2 sings this one...so cute)
In Everything Give Thanks (for the kids and Mom)
Be Strong in the Lord. ("Be not afraid.")

There are no affiliate links in this post.  I just wanted to share something we enjoy.  Go here to listen to the last few radio broadcasts for free.  (My understanding is that they break up a story into episodes for their weekly radio broadcast.)

Intentional Parenting

Both of our children's births were intentional. No accidents here. Like Jacob who wrestled with an angel for a blessing in Genesis 32:24-31, we wrestled in prayer for the blessing of our children.  And similar to Jacob's consequential limp, we also are left with a hole in our hearts after losing our first baby.


Looking back, The Husband and I see our waiting and wrestling as a blessing.  I'm not saying we called it a blessing at the time.  I remember the gut-wrenching sobs after our baby died.  I have not forgotten having to use the fake happy face that covered up sometimes emotionless and sometimes rebellious feelings.  Most disturbingly, I have not forgotten the inability to be happy for family and friends who seemed to constantly be sharing "good news."

But looking back, by the time they were born, we realized the immensity of the blessing of children, and we still thank God for them every day.  I hope I never take them or the ability to be home with them for granted.  I have never said, "I can't wait until he can _____" (fill in the blank) but instead have tried to enjoy their growing and learning and at least tolerate their more trying stages.  (May I just say that I am thankful to be finished potty training?)

I have a necklace with the verse, "For this child I prayed" from I Samuel imprinted on it, which reminds me every time I look at it of the intense desire and prayer that preceded each of their births. Cosnequently, it reminds me to be more intentional in raising them right now.  God did not give us these children for us to just watch and see what happens.  He charged us with some serious responsibilities to "bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord" (Eph. 6:4) and "Train up a child in the way he should go" (Pro. 22:6).  As far as I can tell, these are not commands we could follow unintentionally.

My complaints and impatience creep in too often, but a look back at tear-stained journal pages from the waiting years or Hannah's prayer in I Samuel always reminds me that these are my blessings that God is allowing me to take care of for a few years, only to be given back to His service when they are ready.  Oh, how I pray they will be profitable servants!

Shared with: Titus 2sday  and Gratituesdays

Happy Hearts?

I have a friend whose family motto is, "All the way, right away, and with a happy heart."

I loved it when I heard it, which was at a time I was already thinking about obedience. I was not satisfied with the grudging, delayed obedience I was getting from my kids.

All the way? I can manage that. Right away? Also doable. But with a happy heart? There's the kicker. How do you teach a happy heart? "You better do this cheerfully or else..." I don't think so. My only conclusion was that it is by example. Groan. Familiar feelings of guilt and inadequacy resurface.

Soon after this epiphany, my mother-in-law gave me a Mary Engelbreit notepad with this quote: "Plant seeds of kindness and harvest happy hearts." Granted, it is a little simplistic and rosy-sounding, but, really, doesn't that jive with what I had figured out?

My bottom line is this: Outward obedience can (and should) be enforced. But the part that really matters, the "heart" part, cannot be taught without example.  If not cheerful, I should be joyful in dealing with my kids even when my tasks are unpleasant.

Today I feel like we are making baby steps in the right direction. Yesterday I would have said it is hopeless. Tomorrow may bring another valley. I pray I can be an example of happy obedience and that God blesses the hearts of my kids to realize the joy in cheerful obedience.

Shared with MOB Society.